Lay down your arms ~

I don't know.
I just don't know, don't know anything at all.
I don't know why it all goes wrong.

I don't know what is it that keeps pushing, squeezing, smashing, eveytime - every single time.
I don't know why won't it go away... I don't know why did it come back.

I know how it feels, I know how confusing it is, and I guess I know that's why I can't make it stop.

But I don't know why is it still around, when I thought it had all gone away, vanished. When I thought my strenght had it crushed.

The other day it occured to me how amazing it was, what a fantastic feeling it was to be afraid of death. To feel like you wouldn't want to try any side other than this, to feel like you'd put up a fight, to make those who you love and love you proud.

Now... it's just like it is all here. The not knowing for sure, the "even thinking about it"... All the crap.

And I can't understand how fucking invisible, shameless, it is.
And most of all, I can't understand the way something I repulse so much and I want to fight so much, got me to protect it - like you're any good to me.